Among the club adventures, late night phone calls, lunch dates and casual encounter I have just noticed a missed connection. Technically I didnt notice anything but instead it was brought to my attention. We had actually been friends for the last couple of months keeping up appearances through oovoo and late night conversations. The other night on one of our typical till i fall asleep conversations i uncovered his feelings.He claimed that we had already had a conversation about our standing with each other but like most things it went over my head. I remember the convo he is talking about and to my knowledge there was no declaration of feelings.
Even with the second and more obvious declaration of feelings there has been no change for the better. Why state for stating sake? The same way he declared his feelings is the same way i pushed them aside because this would happen. I knew that i would be writing missed connection instead of ultimate potential replacement. I also i knew that his so called feelings was based on what i let him see.
I didnt give the grand tour of me letting him know every detail of my past, present nd future. That would mean that i would have faith in the possibilty of having a relationship. Luckily for him and me, I have no faith in him or relationships so i left him with one foot out the door at all times. Typically with a declaration of feelings i would push him out the door slam it and break off the knob to the friendship but instead with turning over a new leaf i left it open. All of my efforts sadly were done in vain because were is Mr. Missed Connection now……..nowhere to be found.
I am all about consistency and before his declaration he wasnt but now he is non exsistent. Since i wait around for no one his missed connection has turned into no connection. I can not be held responsible for the lack effort on my part because i dont care to be left holding the bag so i didnt even pick it up. I am upset i missed the connection not because of him but am I that disconnected that dont notice potential.
oh well like they say …..im on to next one. Disconnected or not i am keep my eyes open because now instead of breaking the knob off…im burning the house of the friendship down and wrecking the foundation. Disappoint is a pill I dont like to swallow so ill be staying away from it.
UP NEXT: BP Gas Station
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Love and the idea of it has become to complicated for words so I have preferred to write down my emotions. The thought of having to express my most inner thoughts and emotions is creepy. In writing the computer or paper doesnt talk back. In theory all people give you fake opinions and criticisms because most artist are sensitive about their shit. If all else fails you can hide behind the cloak of your work because when some one ask the troubling question “is that really how you feel” you can lie and say ” NO, I am just expressing an Observation”
My Observation about me is that I like the chase, a guy trying to figure out my inner thought and feelings the idea that he cares and wants to know. No matter how fucked up a situation get’s that he is still intrigued by me..but there’s a catch! I cant tell you in person…Why?.because I rather write through text, letter or tumblr so that i dont have to look you in the eye and explain. I also dont have to watch you think of answer. 20% of the fear of rejection is due to that same action of watching people think of what they are trying to say..so I rather write it out.
Writing it means you can observe it express your rationale on the subject and we can act like it has no direct correlation to me. When writing no emotions leap of the page into the open atmosphere of interpretation and so my feelings dont get trampled and confused. A friend once said sometimes certain actions leave you vulnerable to getting hurt…well i believe thats as long as your emotions are not out to play with your safer than you think.
My words are my armor, shield and sword ….ready to guard, strike and protect at any moment so I choose to write my emotions, text you how I feel and totally dismiss any talks directly correlated with our feelings because I am afraid of anyone hurting me :-)
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When I was little I thought you were a king,
When I was little you were my everything,
When I was little my heart was yours,
When I was little I was never ignored,
When I was little it was us against the world,
When I was little I danced on your feet,
When I was little you were more than sweet,
When I was little I used to sit in your lap and drive in the drivers seat,
When I was little you was the man that couldnt be beat,
When I was little I thought that things would never change,
Sadly I’m not little and your not the same,
Our everlasting love has flickered its last flame,
I am no longer daddy’s little girl and your to blame,
Maybe one day I will peacefully dance on your feet,
Or you’ll be the man that cant be beat,
Until then I’m standing on my own two feet,
And sitting in the drivers seat.
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i can see basic ppl will be my demise ….basicity is a disease ..cured by knowledge lets educate the masses
knowlege and common sense is power and not too many see that …which makes me angry when they act DUMB
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I do not want this man because I can not stand the way he uses his hands.
I do not want this man because I can not stand the way he lets people know he is a man .
I do not want this man because I can not stand the way he talks with mostly slang.
I do not want this man because I know that I am not the only one on his mind.
I do not want this man because he never wants to find the time to lime with me.
I do not want this man because he feels comfortable to lie to me.
I do not want this man because I find too many reasons why he is not right for me.
If I searched the land and even if he was the last suitable man, I still would not want this man.
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I believe that on the shelf right next to the SAT books and before the GRE, MCAT & LSAT all girls should have a guide. A guide that teaches you how to navigate this world we called dating in the midst of your most crucial years..COLLEGE! I think the ideal of molding yourself in high school to what you think guys want leaves girls stranded in the years they are supposed to use it afterward. I have a firm belief that women like Jane Fonda mold themselves to fit into the life of the person they are with. Instead of it being two people coming together its more of one person losing their own identity to become one.
Girls take time to study books, fashion, sports and even the latest social networking trends to make themselves competitive for an open fish market of men. The only problem is if you already knew how to deal with yourself, there would be no need to make yourself competitive because you already stand apart from the rest. I don’t know what a guy wants but I know what I want. Navigating my wants through college is hard because Im still finding me and he is also still finding himself. At least I would hope so and if he isn’t well……..
"you had better be debt free and very into me my kind friend" then that’s cool too.
All I am saying is I want a guide that says that there are other things to do then watch him play video games or spend nights upon nights watching stupid Heat games ( I as well as he knows Lebron ain’t getting no ring). I want a guide that lets her know wanting to walk on the beach or going to museums is okay. My new policy is if I don’t see myself as your wife, Im not keeping you in my life. A college girl needs a map that says start here COLLEGE BEGINS and end here HELLO GRADUATE along the map needs to your essential survival kit against heartache and break-ups because all college does is prepare you for an adult career not the other bumps in the road. The bumps in the road that you feel crazy for having because everyone else seems to be happy………that is until they close their door.
Sex and the city served its purpose for the women of that generation but what about the women of mine? The women of mine foolishly look at sex in the city and all the other outdated shows for inspiration not fully grasping the snake in the grass has shed his old skin and has a new set of scales and poisonous venom. Relationships and Love is hard even in college we need a guide so in the future we wont be making the same rookie mistakes and have to read books like “Think Like a Man” love you Steve, but in reality its pretty simple women need to go back to playing their role and be a WOMAN.
Do you Hear me?
Had to repost @twenty3pr getting ready for the new year. #latenightmeeting #work #anytimeanyplace p.s go follow us
Absolutely PHENOMENAL !!! Romance and elegance all rolled into one!
Gal A Bubble- Koshens
I’m here in my room and I just can’t resist the urge to shake my ass. I need to party soon. Sheeesh.
That means when my girls come down it will be an adventure! (Taken with Instagram)
Awkward Black Girl - The Sleepover (S. 2, Ep. 1) (by iamOTHER)
Elle Varner #refill
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